My Haircut

It's been a few weeks since I shaved my head. Since then, I've trimmed the hair down to 1/4" (I think) with the trimmer I have at home (a heavy industrial seeming thing that is pretty delightful to use), and then I got a professional trim at Great Clips, to 3/8", with a decent neck and around-the-ears shave. (They charged me $5. Woot!)

(Also amusing: they have me in their computer there, so when I gave the woman my phone number, and she looked it up, she looked at me and said, "So I guess you're not going with the bob anymore!")

So my head is plushy-soft all over, just short enough to still stick out in every direction and not fall down into a regular boy-type haircut. It is just slightly shorter than cutie Matt Damon's over there.

I fucking love it. I am right now at the point of thinking I will never change it against because, just, why? It's awesome.

Before I shaved my head, I was afraid it would look bad. And frankly, one of the fears I had was that skinny girls can get away with having a shaved head or very short hair, but it looks bad on fat girls. And of course, the truth is, cute skinny girls will usually look cute in almost any style. It's like Matt Damon up there - what kind of haircut would make him not hot? He starts off hot and that's a huge boon.

But I'm starting to think that a crew cut is actually a comparative advantage for a fat woman, if you don't mind looking butch. Because my observation about myself is that I am a lot better looking as a butch than as a femme. I am not really either one - a butch or a femme. But my old hairstyle was a regular girl type of cut, and this one is distinctly butch. (I suspect that on a skinny girl, a haircut like this might give you kind of a "pixie" look and not be so butch.)

The net effect on my appearance as judged by other people might still be negative, because being butch might be negative in the eyes of many. But among people who like both looks, I have to think this makes me more attractive. I certainly look more attractive to myself, and to Ed.

Last night at the gym, I picked up a couple of hand weights to do some bicep curls, and then happened to see myself in the mirror. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt. And I looked incredible. The combination of the weights and the shirt and the short hair - it was crazy butch and I just loved it. I felt super macho.

I have a slight inclination to scoff at women who claim they make some traditionally supported beauty decision (like surgical breast augmentation) not to please others but because it makes them feel more confident, but that's how I feel about the hair style. It makes me feel attractive and strong. And I'm going to keep it.

Shaving, Parents

As many of you know, I shaved my head last week. It was pretty much a whim - I've kind of always wanted to know what I would look like with really short hair, and Ed thought it would be a cool idea, so we did it. (He actually bet me I wouldn't do it - he doesn't think I'm very impulsive. I made him give me 5:1 odds before I would. But, no, I didn't cut my hair off for $5. That was just a bonus.)

I think it looks kind of awesome. I definitely look butch. People at work were surprised, some feared I had cancer (oops), and some were amused. My boss asked (in an email) if she could rub my head, but I told her I was not lucky like the Buddha. When I see myself in the mirror, it makes me smile.

And Ed loves it. He confessed that, had I had my head shaved the night he met me, he might have been too intimdated by my attractiveness to talk to me. What's weird is, when he says it I actually believe it. (If you know me, you'll understand it is not too often that people are put off by my intimidating beauty.)

So, the day after I shaved it, I let my mom know. She said she hoped I was kidding and, when I said I wasn't, she said, "No comment."

On Tuesday, I posted pictures to my Facebook page. They just show me in a t-shirt with my shaved head - nothing weird. But apparently it was more than my mom could take. She sent me the following email:

I have removed you from my facebook. I can't stand to see those pictures and am embarassed by you. Why would you want to do something like that. Nevermind I don't want to know. This is more than I can deal with. I really hope you will get some help. Please don't be friends with any of my friends on Facebook. I don't know what I would say to them if they saw this. I hope no one did. I can't imagine that this type of behaviour will help you at work. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you got fired. Please grow up.

I'm totally out of here no need to reply. I've had it. Too much hurt from you.

I think it's pretty unusual to get disowned by your parent over a haircut, but this isn't the first time she has said things like this to me. I care about my mom very much, but my willingness to tolerate this type of thing has significantly diminished over time.