I have experienced an interesting attitude change since starting grad school.
Ed (my ex-boyfriend, with whom I still share an apartment) and I are in grad school together, as most readers of this blog know. Before coming here, we'd had one class together at my undergrad institution, and that was when I learned that we have similar classroom styles (as students), except that his style is more extreme. We both tend to ask more questions (and answer more questions posed by the professor) than other students, and are prone to...well, sort of acting as though we are the only student in the room and can just freely interact with the prof without regard to what s/he is trying to accomplish with the class.
In the math pedagogy class that I took, our professor once gave us a list of problem student types, one of which he called "Mr. Non-Sequitur," giving the example of that guy who always asks you how such-and-such relates to fractals. At the time, this reminded me of Ed, who will often ask tangentially related questions.
Last year, I found Ed's classroom behavior pretty obnoxious, and worried that mine was obnoxious as well. But then this year, I observed that, in talks, many of the professors in our department behave exactly the same way. Whether the speaker is internal or external, they will interrupt with questions, make nitpicky corrections, and ask about strange tangents. And, though there is no way to put this on my public blog without risk, I will say that the professors who act this way are some of the ones I respect the most (independent of their behavior in talks). This is also the talk-watching style of the genius among the grad students of our department.
Maybe this is normal, socially appropriate behavior for my discipline.
I was curious what would happen when Ed took another class with our pedagogy professor, who is a bit strict in his classroom management style. Would he quash Ed's interrupting tendencies? The answer turned out to be a pretty big no. If anything, I think he appreciates being interrupted, nitpicked, and asked weird questions. He told me once that we were his best class in many years because we are so engaged and challenging, and I think he also gave private positive feedback to Ed once.
So I have basically totally revised my opinion of this style of behavior, and now think it must, indeed, be socially appropriate in our field. This led to an interesting conundrum recently, however, when one of my cohort gave a talk.
The talk was very interesting. At one point, though, Ed stopped the speaker to ask, basically, "So what?" He didn't use those words but wanted to know about the motivation for something she was talking about. She didn't have an answer right away, and he said, "I just think I would get more out of this if I knew why we were talking about it."
I felt like it was a bit over the top, given that she is our friend, is a bit early in her career (like we are), and may not have been completely confident in giving the talk. I wouldn't have pushed her in that way myself.
Now, I think Ed just asked the question because it was on his mind. But I wonder...maybe it is our job to socialize each other by asking these kinds of tough questions, even if it makes the speaker uncomfortable. You could argue that we should refrain so that our friends can be more comfortable, or that we should intentionally not refrain so that they can toughen up and not be stymied in (e.g.) a job talk later, when someone in the audience is of this more obnoxious cast.
Fortunately, our department has a good mix of people who like to speak up and people who don't, so I guess it will all just average out. But these are just some thoughts I've been having lately.
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Measure-Theoretic Probability
This is definitely my hardest semester of grad school so far, for the simple reason that I am taking two core courses (which are the kind here that require the most work) plus a reading course in measure-theoretic probability, which is taking as much time and effort as a core course (and more than either of mine, actually). But I'm increasingly wanting to go in a probability direction with my studies, so I'm thrilled to be doing it, and I'm really enjoying it so far.
The core course I took last year was in measure theory. I've written about it a little before, but today I'm going to (briefly) explain its relationship to probability. Then I'll end the post with my real reason for posting, which is a quote that excited me this morning.
Measure is just (more or less) a generalization of length. Let's say you're on the real line and you want to know how big a set is. If the set is just an interval, like (0,2), it's easy enough to say its length (or measure) is 2. But what if your set is much weirder? Like, what if you want to be able to say what "size" any subset of the reals is, in a sensible way that accords with our notion of length? That is, you'd like the interval from 0 to 2 to still have length 2, but you still want to be able to measure anything you want?
Well, unfortunately that is impossible, but what we can do is come up with a measure that works for pretty much any set that anyone cares about. In fact, coming up with a set that you can't measure requires using the axiom of choice to construct some bizarro thing that just doesn't arise in normal life.
So, let me tie this to probability. Let's say you want to pick a random number between 0 and 1, with all numbers equally likely. I'm just talking about a uniform distribution on the interval [0,1]. It's pretty obvious (I think) that the odds of getting a number between 0 and 1/2 is 50%. This corresponds to the length of the interval that you're talking about.
But what about the odds of getting a rational number? Or the odds of getting a number without a 2 in it anywhere? Or the odds of getting a number whose first three digits (after the decimal point) are repeated 9 times?
These are questions which can be answered with measure theory. In particular, there is only one measure (it's called Lebesgue measure) which both assigns to each interval its length and gives a measure for every Borel set (the ones I'm characterizing as "all the sets anyone cares about").
You might ask, "Who cares about the odds of getting a number whose first three digits are repeated 9 times?" But let's unpack that a little bit.
Let's say we roll a 10-sided die an infinite number of times. If the sides of the die are labeled 0 through 9, then if you wrote out the results, after a decimal point, you'd get a number in the interval [0,1]. For instance, it might look like .98362819501... and so on.
If we assume all combinations of die rolls are equally likely (which is true if the die is fair), then the odds of the die roll meeting whatever criteria we give are exactly the measure of the set in [0,1] that corresponds to the numbers that the roll represents.
For instance, let's look at my question about rational numbers. I should note that we're not going to let anything terminate, so for instance, we wouldn't write 0.4 (because that wouldn't correspond in any obvious way to an infinite series of dice rolls) - we would write 0.399999999..., which is the same number.
So what is a rational number? It's one that repeats forever when you write it out like that. For instance, 1/3 is 0.33333333.... You could also have a rational number like .123123123123... where more than one number repeats.
So, if we randomly choose a number between 0 and 1, the odds of it being rational are identical to the odds that, if we roll a die infinitely many times, eventually we hit some number or group of numbers that then repeat forever (for instance, we start rolling 1,2,3 over and over again for all eternity). Common notions of probability suggest that the probability of that happening is basically nil, which turns out to be right - the measure of the rational numbers is 0. (This is proved in an entirely different way in a measure theory course.)
Or, to use my other example, the odds of having your first three rolled numbers happen again like that 8 more times in a row is the same as the measure of the set I mentioned earlier - numbers with their first 3 digits repeated nine times. (So in other words, you can use this to measure probabilities that happen in a finite number of dice rolls too.)
This leads me to my quote, which is from Section 4 of my textbook, Billingsley:
The core course I took last year was in measure theory. I've written about it a little before, but today I'm going to (briefly) explain its relationship to probability. Then I'll end the post with my real reason for posting, which is a quote that excited me this morning.
Measure is just (more or less) a generalization of length. Let's say you're on the real line and you want to know how big a set is. If the set is just an interval, like (0,2), it's easy enough to say its length (or measure) is 2. But what if your set is much weirder? Like, what if you want to be able to say what "size" any subset of the reals is, in a sensible way that accords with our notion of length? That is, you'd like the interval from 0 to 2 to still have length 2, but you still want to be able to measure anything you want?
Well, unfortunately that is impossible, but what we can do is come up with a measure that works for pretty much any set that anyone cares about. In fact, coming up with a set that you can't measure requires using the axiom of choice to construct some bizarro thing that just doesn't arise in normal life.
So, let me tie this to probability. Let's say you want to pick a random number between 0 and 1, with all numbers equally likely. I'm just talking about a uniform distribution on the interval [0,1]. It's pretty obvious (I think) that the odds of getting a number between 0 and 1/2 is 50%. This corresponds to the length of the interval that you're talking about.
But what about the odds of getting a rational number? Or the odds of getting a number without a 2 in it anywhere? Or the odds of getting a number whose first three digits (after the decimal point) are repeated 9 times?
These are questions which can be answered with measure theory. In particular, there is only one measure (it's called Lebesgue measure) which both assigns to each interval its length and gives a measure for every Borel set (the ones I'm characterizing as "all the sets anyone cares about").
You might ask, "Who cares about the odds of getting a number whose first three digits are repeated 9 times?" But let's unpack that a little bit.
Let's say we roll a 10-sided die an infinite number of times. If the sides of the die are labeled 0 through 9, then if you wrote out the results, after a decimal point, you'd get a number in the interval [0,1]. For instance, it might look like .98362819501... and so on.
If we assume all combinations of die rolls are equally likely (which is true if the die is fair), then the odds of the die roll meeting whatever criteria we give are exactly the measure of the set in [0,1] that corresponds to the numbers that the roll represents.
For instance, let's look at my question about rational numbers. I should note that we're not going to let anything terminate, so for instance, we wouldn't write 0.4 (because that wouldn't correspond in any obvious way to an infinite series of dice rolls) - we would write 0.399999999..., which is the same number.
So what is a rational number? It's one that repeats forever when you write it out like that. For instance, 1/3 is 0.33333333.... You could also have a rational number like .123123123123... where more than one number repeats.
So, if we randomly choose a number between 0 and 1, the odds of it being rational are identical to the odds that, if we roll a die infinitely many times, eventually we hit some number or group of numbers that then repeat forever (for instance, we start rolling 1,2,3 over and over again for all eternity). Common notions of probability suggest that the probability of that happening is basically nil, which turns out to be right - the measure of the rational numbers is 0. (This is proved in an entirely different way in a measure theory course.)
Or, to use my other example, the odds of having your first three rolled numbers happen again like that 8 more times in a row is the same as the measure of the set I mentioned earlier - numbers with their first 3 digits repeated nine times. (So in other words, you can use this to measure probabilities that happen in a finite number of dice rolls too.)
This leads me to my quote, which is from Section 4 of my textbook, Billingsley:
Complex probability ideas can be made clear by the systematic use of measure theory, and probabilistic ideas of extramathematical origin, such as independence, can illuminate problems of purely mathematical interest. It is to this reciprocal exchange that measure-theoretic probability owes much of its interest.So there you have it. Nifty, no?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Reading Course FTW!
This semester, I am doing a reading course in probability & measure (using Billingsley). It's the first time I've ever done a reading course or any kind of independent study (other than my grant, but that was very different).
This was the first week of school, so last week I emailed the professor to ask when he'd like to meet or whatever, and we set a meeting for today. He gave me a section to read and some exercises to look at.
I've spent probably literally (not counting Internet-procrasting-time) 20 hours on that section and the exercises this week. The book is very dense for me and the exercises were difficult. I ended up with 10 typed pages of answers. I wasn't sure if he would want me to turn those in or just discuss them or say that I had done them or what.
So we met today. The scoop is that, whatever questions we don't discuss to his satisfaction in our meetings, he will have me turn in (I ended up turning in the whole set since I had it all stapled together, though we talked about most of the questions). The meeting went well - I was comfortable presenting answers on the board and discussing the material. He told me how to do the problem I hadn't managed to figure out, and the answer was really cool (really cool).
I've been exhausted all day. The first week of school is rough and I've been working hard. I'm the kind of tired where my head naturally goes slanty and I become slack-jawed. I'm the kind of tired where I think I must look really tired even from the outside.
But that meeting was so energizing, and I think this course is going to be great. I'm realizing that, actually, I think reading courses are super fun, way better than classes. Instead of sitting in class for 3 hours a week (which I hate even when it is informative), you get to work on your own with a book (which I love even when it is really hard). It's fun in the way that my summer of qual studying was fun.
Guess what? Reading and figuring out math on your own is more fun than a class. That's a really cheerful thought for me.
I'm still worried about my workload this semester. I have two core courses plus this reading course. But I feel motivated towards at least one of my courses, and of course towards the reading course, so I'm feeling pretty good right now. And I'm looking forward to doing more reading courses in the future, bigtime.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Grad School vs. Working
Back when I was thinking about going to grad school, I had one hope that I was almost afraid to confess. I hoped, despite how hard grad school was reputed to be, and how many hours it was said that I would have to work (i.e., way more than 40 per week), that it would take me away from the horrible feeling associated with having a regular job.
I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling, and I feel like a spoiled brat or a wimp for even having it, but I'm basically talking about that kind of bored feeling of waiting for the day to be over, killing time, trying to think of a good reason to leave work early, etc. I mean the basic feeling of just not wanting to be at work.
It turns out to be true that grad school, for me, totally does not have this feeling. I had it over the summer when I worked in the math lab (a worse job than any I've had in many years, though still not bad in the overall scheme of possible jobs), but I don't have it during the regular semesters at all.
It's interesting. I spend more hours at school now than I ever have at a job, and (more or less completely independently) more hours working than when I had a job. But I simply do not have that feeling of being required to be in a place for 8-9 hours every day. Aside from my office hours (4 per week), I am always either doing a specific thing (teaching or attending class or a seminar) or I am free to go if I want to. Everything now is about accomplishing specific tasks on time rather than spending a particular amount of time appearing to work.
Consequently, my office, and the building where I work, doesn't feel like a workplace to me. It feels a lot like my dorm felt when I was originally in undergrad, actually - like a cool place to hang out, the place where I do most of my work, and the place where, at all hours of the day and night, some of my friends and acquaintances are around.
I was able to confirm this when I was working in the math lab. I left there one day during my shift to go to the restroom, and when I walked out into the hall, past the offices of my friends, I had a feeling like, "Oh, I am trapped in the math lab, and all these people out here get to have their regular lives."
That dreadful feeling of being trapped at work was a really large feature of my previous life, and it's pretty fantastic for me that I don't have it anymore. It's like, as I wrote once before, my work life and life life have all become the same thing. Some people hate that aspect of grad school but I think, for the most part, I really like it.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
The Difference a Year Makes
Last week, I started my second year of graduate school. It feels so very different from my first year - really almost astonishingly so.
I spent the entire summer studying for my qualifying exam in real analysis. I wrote over 300 pages of notes, by hand, working through proofs and ideas, some over and over again. I worked about 2-4 hours pretty much every single weekday, and many weekend days, for all but about 2 weeks of the summer. (I also tutored students in the math lab.)
Even though that may not seem like a huge amount of time to spend (because it wasn't), it was huge for me. I've historically been terrible at making myself work to a far-off deadline, and this work was both hard and sort of ambiguous. How much would be enough? Was it even possible for me to pass (like, ever)? Had others passed these exams in the past only because they were smarter than I am, or had better memories? I struggled with these thoughts a lot, but I kept working.
The qual was an 8-hour exam. It took me 6 hours and 40 minutes, which is somewhere in the typical range. And I passed. I passed it. Amazing.
Now that I've passed it, the material doesn't actually seem like it was that big of a deal. Now that I know the proofs, they don't seem to have all that much to them. Ha.
I also, of course, made it through my first year of classes last year. I struggled with the material a lot at times, but I did well in terms of grades. I didn't seriously screw anything up. I was never one of the worst students. Occasionally I was mildly praised.
Last year, when I started grad school, I was extremely enthusiastic, and then when it got hard, I was really scared a lot. Especially that first semester I had really dramatic mood swings. I sometimes fantasized about leaving, going back to my old job, resuming a better life with more money and things and free time and less failure and stress.
This year, honestly, I wasn't that enthusiastic at the start of school. When I went to the mandatory all-TA/TF meeting, I remembered how exciting it had been the previous year, but I was pretty meh about it. I was mildly interested in meeting the new first-years, but that was about it. I was still recovering from the qual.
But...I'm not scared anymore, either. I still don't know if I can actually do research, but I now know I can pass classes and quals. (I need to pass one more qual, and I have four tries.) I now know I am not borderline for the program, barely clinging to life.
Last year, I remember the first homework that I got with a problem I couldn't easily figure out. It really freaked me out. I'm pretty sure I cried. I calculated what percentage of my grade this one problem would be and thought about the fact that I was already losing that much so early in the term. I wondered whether I belonged here. I did eventually solve the problem, but man, the stress.
Last week, my topology homework had a problem I couldn't figure out. I worked on it on a few different days, but never with any real feeling of stress. I figured out all of the other problems. This one remaining one wasn't a big deal. Turning it in unfinished would not harm my grade or standing or anything like that. I wanted to get it but there was no fear there. It certainly did not drive me to tears.
And that, my friends, is the difference that a year makes.
I spent the entire summer studying for my qualifying exam in real analysis. I wrote over 300 pages of notes, by hand, working through proofs and ideas, some over and over again. I worked about 2-4 hours pretty much every single weekday, and many weekend days, for all but about 2 weeks of the summer. (I also tutored students in the math lab.)
Even though that may not seem like a huge amount of time to spend (because it wasn't), it was huge for me. I've historically been terrible at making myself work to a far-off deadline, and this work was both hard and sort of ambiguous. How much would be enough? Was it even possible for me to pass (like, ever)? Had others passed these exams in the past only because they were smarter than I am, or had better memories? I struggled with these thoughts a lot, but I kept working.
The qual was an 8-hour exam. It took me 6 hours and 40 minutes, which is somewhere in the typical range. And I passed. I passed it. Amazing.
Now that I've passed it, the material doesn't actually seem like it was that big of a deal. Now that I know the proofs, they don't seem to have all that much to them. Ha.
I also, of course, made it through my first year of classes last year. I struggled with the material a lot at times, but I did well in terms of grades. I didn't seriously screw anything up. I was never one of the worst students. Occasionally I was mildly praised.
Last year, when I started grad school, I was extremely enthusiastic, and then when it got hard, I was really scared a lot. Especially that first semester I had really dramatic mood swings. I sometimes fantasized about leaving, going back to my old job, resuming a better life with more money and things and free time and less failure and stress.
This year, honestly, I wasn't that enthusiastic at the start of school. When I went to the mandatory all-TA/TF meeting, I remembered how exciting it had been the previous year, but I was pretty meh about it. I was mildly interested in meeting the new first-years, but that was about it. I was still recovering from the qual.
But...I'm not scared anymore, either. I still don't know if I can actually do research, but I now know I can pass classes and quals. (I need to pass one more qual, and I have four tries.) I now know I am not borderline for the program, barely clinging to life.
Last year, I remember the first homework that I got with a problem I couldn't easily figure out. It really freaked me out. I'm pretty sure I cried. I calculated what percentage of my grade this one problem would be and thought about the fact that I was already losing that much so early in the term. I wondered whether I belonged here. I did eventually solve the problem, but man, the stress.
Last week, my topology homework had a problem I couldn't figure out. I worked on it on a few different days, but never with any real feeling of stress. I figured out all of the other problems. This one remaining one wasn't a big deal. Turning it in unfinished would not harm my grade or standing or anything like that. I wanted to get it but there was no fear there. It certainly did not drive me to tears.
And that, my friends, is the difference that a year makes.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Motivational Techniques
One of the hardest things I've had to do recently was study for my real analysis final exam. It was hard because I had a lot of things going on that week, and I was tired, and I did not want to do it, and it felt futile because I knew I could not master the material in the time available, even in a best-case scenario. That last thing made it especially hard.
Yet somehow I did study, at least enough that I got an A in the class.
I wrote a while back about negative motivation. It used to be that threatening myself ("if you don't study you're going to fail this class") was the only type of self-motivation I knew how to deliver, and of course that type of motivation is not really very helpful. Eventually you become immune to your own threats, and the truth is that even many important things don't come with immediate terrifying consequences (e.g., it is not true that if I eat this particular donut I will die of diabetes at a young age).
Ever since realizing that I always resorted to negative motivation, I've been trying to cease making threats to myself. Instead, I've been trying to remind myself of positive reasons to do what I should do ("I'll feel good when I get this homework done"). And that has been moderately successful.
But neither type of motivation was enough to get me to study for my analysis final. Instead, what I did was pretty continually push myself simultaneously with various different motivations, of all types. Among them (and yes, I talk to myself in the second person)
- If you study enough that you can get 3/4 or more of the exam done, you'll feel pretty good about it afterwards (as has happened on the other analysis exams you've successfully studied for).
- It's going to really suck to sit in the exam and not be able to write much for many of the questions. You'll feel really stressed and doomed in that situation.
- If you get through this semester with good grades, you're going to feel really great about your chances in the program.
- You have some good friends here - you don't want to let them down by failing classes or dropping out. To continue this happy lifestyle you need to be like them and actually do well.
- If you finish strong, you can send an email to Dr. P (undergrad analysis prof who wrote me LOR's for grad school) and tell him you finished your first year including this analysis core sequence! (You'll feel sad if you can't send that email or if you can't report passing this class.)
- You're really just pre-preparing for the analysis qual in August. You'll feel good studying for that if you already have this head start.
So, basically, thinking of a lot of creative good reasons to want to study or to want to avoid not studying really helped. I mean, it helped just enough. It was barely enough to get me to actually do the stuff I needed to do, and I needed to apply it pretty constantly over the days I was struggling.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Moving Right Along
This week I had three final exams and a project due, but everything was done by Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday, I flew somewhere to do a little bit of work for my old company, for a client I hadn't met before but who turned out to be someone who immediately strikes one as crazy and/or full of shit. I now have more work to do for this guy. I sort of wish I hadn't gotten involved at all, but I guess making some extra money is a good idea.
This summer I am also lined up to make about $3000 doing (paid by the hour) math lab and grading work. I think that comes out to about 140 hours (based on my guess of what the hourly rate is). I hope that instead of interfering with my summer plans, this work will help keep more organized and moving along. (Have you noticed that it is easy for a day with no fixed plans to glide competely by with nothing to show for itself?)
My main goal this summer is to pass my real analysis qualifying exam in August. It's an 8 hour long, written exam. I think there are typically 12 questions, of which you choose 8 to complete. They are typically rather meaty questions, though not usually very novel. (An example might be, "State and prove [famous theorem].") My understanding is that you need to get 6 completely right in order to pass.
I'm worried about whether I can pass this exam, even under ideal conditions and having studied a somewhat large amount, but I need to, as they say, give it the old college try. I have a stack of the old exams (going back so far that the earliest ones are handwritten). The first thing I intend to do is write questions on index cards. I want to determine what types of questions are asked, which questions are asked most often, and so on. If I can at least have answers to the most commonly asked questions down cold, it should help, and of course there is a lot of overlap of material and technique between different ones, so it's helpful in general.
In undergrad, I had a professor who would always point out, when we were starting a project, that you always wish, at the end, that you had an extra day or so, and so you ought to make very good use of the first few days (the ones you might otherwise kind of blow off, feeling that you have plenty of time). I have thirteen weeks before this exam, so I'd best get started.
This summer I am also lined up to make about $3000 doing (paid by the hour) math lab and grading work. I think that comes out to about 140 hours (based on my guess of what the hourly rate is). I hope that instead of interfering with my summer plans, this work will help keep more organized and moving along. (Have you noticed that it is easy for a day with no fixed plans to glide competely by with nothing to show for itself?)
My main goal this summer is to pass my real analysis qualifying exam in August. It's an 8 hour long, written exam. I think there are typically 12 questions, of which you choose 8 to complete. They are typically rather meaty questions, though not usually very novel. (An example might be, "State and prove [famous theorem].") My understanding is that you need to get 6 completely right in order to pass.
I'm worried about whether I can pass this exam, even under ideal conditions and having studied a somewhat large amount, but I need to, as they say, give it the old college try. I have a stack of the old exams (going back so far that the earliest ones are handwritten). The first thing I intend to do is write questions on index cards. I want to determine what types of questions are asked, which questions are asked most often, and so on. If I can at least have answers to the most commonly asked questions down cold, it should help, and of course there is a lot of overlap of material and technique between different ones, so it's helpful in general.
In undergrad, I had a professor who would always point out, when we were starting a project, that you always wish, at the end, that you had an extra day or so, and so you ought to make very good use of the first few days (the ones you might otherwise kind of blow off, feeling that you have plenty of time). I have thirteen weeks before this exam, so I'd best get started.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Non-Zero Probability
It now appears that there is a non-zero probability that I will finish the semester. For the first time, I can actually see the end from here. We have two more weeks of classes, and then finals, but I had a big exam today and really couldn't see past it until it was over.
In some ways, the class I had the exam in was my most important one (real analysis, which I'm taking a qual in this summer), and of my four classes, it has gone the worst. There is a lot of material I really struggle to understand, and what I do understand, I have trouble holding on to from moment to moment. Studying for the exam did greatly increase my knowledge, but there were topics I couldn't study because I just couldn't face them. And yet...the qual.
I'm feeling better now, but the past couple of days I have felt pretty down on school. As happened during the stressful part of last semester, I found myself fantasizing a lot about quitting and going back to my old job (I think they would hire me back, but I could probably get a similar job in any case) and having an easier life with more money and not as much math. I think that terrible negativity might be passing now, which would be nice. Most of the time, I prefer my life here to my old life by a moderately large margin.
I actually probably did all right on the exam. Last semester, I got a 55% on the midterm and ended up (somehow) with an A in the class. I estimate that I got about a 70% on this one. If I do a good job on the final, I should be able to at least pass with a B, I think. (If I fail the class, all hope is not lost, but passing would be better, of course.)
I posted a while back about my doom-laden decision to take four courses this semester. I'm happy to report that that decision, at least, was not in fact a mistake. Reports of my impending doom turned out to have been exaggerated. The logic class has been very interesting and our professor dramatically decreased the workload relative to the first half, and the topology class has been as vital as I'd thought it might be, and I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to take it.
So, that's my life these days, anyway.
In some ways, the class I had the exam in was my most important one (real analysis, which I'm taking a qual in this summer), and of my four classes, it has gone the worst. There is a lot of material I really struggle to understand, and what I do understand, I have trouble holding on to from moment to moment. Studying for the exam did greatly increase my knowledge, but there were topics I couldn't study because I just couldn't face them. And yet...the qual.
I'm feeling better now, but the past couple of days I have felt pretty down on school. As happened during the stressful part of last semester, I found myself fantasizing a lot about quitting and going back to my old job (I think they would hire me back, but I could probably get a similar job in any case) and having an easier life with more money and not as much math. I think that terrible negativity might be passing now, which would be nice. Most of the time, I prefer my life here to my old life by a moderately large margin.
I actually probably did all right on the exam. Last semester, I got a 55% on the midterm and ended up (somehow) with an A in the class. I estimate that I got about a 70% on this one. If I do a good job on the final, I should be able to at least pass with a B, I think. (If I fail the class, all hope is not lost, but passing would be better, of course.)
I posted a while back about my doom-laden decision to take four courses this semester. I'm happy to report that that decision, at least, was not in fact a mistake. Reports of my impending doom turned out to have been exaggerated. The logic class has been very interesting and our professor dramatically decreased the workload relative to the first half, and the topology class has been as vital as I'd thought it might be, and I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to take it.
So, that's my life these days, anyway.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Spring Break 2011
My Spring Break is next week - yippee!
I don't have any particular plans, and so there's a danger the week will go by in a kind of haze of boredom and too many "Without a Trace" reruns and vague intentions of doing some kind of academic work.
I don't know all of what I'll have due when I get back. Guesses:
Logic: We're getting 6 homeworks total and have finished 3. I'm guessing no homework over the break.
Analysis: We usually have an assignment every week, so I think this one will be no different. We should have a midterm at some point, so that could be the week after break instead. I am a bit behind on my notes/studying for this course anyway.
Stats: I imagine we'll have a normal homework assignment like every week.
Topology: I have an assignment due the Friday after break.
So I've written up a schedule (complete with checkboxes next to every item) for how I want to spend by Spring Break. It reads as follows:
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
I don't have any particular plans, and so there's a danger the week will go by in a kind of haze of boredom and too many "Without a Trace" reruns and vague intentions of doing some kind of academic work.
I don't know all of what I'll have due when I get back. Guesses:
Logic: We're getting 6 homeworks total and have finished 3. I'm guessing no homework over the break.
Analysis: We usually have an assignment every week, so I think this one will be no different. We should have a midterm at some point, so that could be the week after break instead. I am a bit behind on my notes/studying for this course anyway.
Stats: I imagine we'll have a normal homework assignment like every week.
Topology: I have an assignment due the Friday after break.
So I've written up a schedule (complete with checkboxes next to every item) for how I want to spend by Spring Break. It reads as follows:
Saturday
- Groceries
- Launder towels
- Clean master bathroom
- Dishes
Sunday
- Have fun
Monday
- 2 hours analysis
- 2 hours topology
- Dishes
Tuesday
- Podiatrist appointment
- 2 hours analysis
- 2 hours statistics
Wednesday
- 2 hours analysis
- 1 hour statistics
- 1 hour topology
- Dishes
Thursday
- 2 hours analysis
- 2 hours topology
Friday
- 2 hours analysis
- 1 hour statistics
- 1 hour topology
- Dishes
Saturday
- Finish statistics assignment
- 2 hours analysis
- Groceries
Sunday
- Have fun
- Dishes
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Work-Life Boundary
Earlier this week, I was reading some posts about how many hours people in academia work every week. Some people claimed to work about 35 hours a week, and others claimed more in the 70-80 hour range. Some asserted that professionals in "9-5" jobs typically work 60 hours a week anyway, and others that comparing an academic job to a 9-5 job is folly.
I've come to realize that one of my favorite things about being in grad school, as strange as this is, is that I always have something I should be doing. I don't actually work all that many hours (certainly not 60), but every single day my focus is on what I can get done that day, and how, and when. I don't have any days off. And I love it.
When I had a job-type job, there were hours I was required to be at work (not necessarily working) and hours that were my free, non-work time. I had a job and, separately, the rest of my life. Now it feels like my life is my work. I still spend most of my time not working, but I am never not thinking of work and how to get back to it.
I'm not sure why I like this but I really do.
I've come to realize that one of my favorite things about being in grad school, as strange as this is, is that I always have something I should be doing. I don't actually work all that many hours (certainly not 60), but every single day my focus is on what I can get done that day, and how, and when. I don't have any days off. And I love it.
When I had a job-type job, there were hours I was required to be at work (not necessarily working) and hours that were my free, non-work time. I had a job and, separately, the rest of my life. Now it feels like my life is my work. I still spend most of my time not working, but I am never not thinking of work and how to get back to it.
I'm not sure why I like this but I really do.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
My Spring Schedule
This is my schedule for Spring 2011.
Mondays & Wednesdays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory
2:00-3:20PM Statistics
Tuesdays & Thursdays
11:00AM-12:20PM Intro to Topology
2:00-3:20PM Real Analysis
Fridays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory
So I have basically a pretty consistent schedule every day except that on Fridays I have no afternoon class.
Mondays & Wednesdays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory
2:00-3:20PM Statistics
Tuesdays & Thursdays
11:00AM-12:20PM Intro to Topology
2:00-3:20PM Real Analysis
Fridays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory
So I have basically a pretty consistent schedule every day except that on Fridays I have no afternoon class.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Doomed. Doomed, I Tell You!
I've been facing a dilemma (two conflicting lemmas!) for the past few weeks, and I have finally resolved it, though I have resolved it in the direction of ultimate doom. Pray for my sanity, friends.
The dilemma is this. Last semester, I took the first semester of a two-semester logic & set theory course. I sort of hated it a lot in the middle, but I look back at it very fondly, and the stuff to be covered this coming semester is stuff that seems to come up a whole lot and that I really want to understand. I'm extremely tempted to take the second semester, and normally one does take both semesters of such a thing.
However! I took four courses last semester, and, though it was originally planned for me to take four this semester as well, the graduate advisor asked both me and the other fellowship recipient to only take three courses this semester. One of the courses I need to take is an Intro to Topology class. I think that class will be relatively easy ("relatively" being the key word here), and I'm not that excited about it, but I have never taken a topology class and I am planning to take the topology core sequence next year, and that just won't work. So: topology ho!
But I still want to take logic, and I don't know when the course will even be offered again. Also, though this may sound silly, all of my favorite people from my cohort are in that class. They are the brightest and (especially) the hardest-working of us, and being around them is really great for me.
I had decided in favor of topology - we must be practical, after all. But then Ed let me know that the logic professor is worried the second half of the class won't even make. So I changed my mind and have now signed up for both courses. This means I'll have four classes again, except that, unlike last semester, none of my courses will be a total blow-off like the pedagogy one was.
There are two reasons this should be possible, and one fairly compelling reason that it shouldn't be. First, other students routinely take three classes and have a TAship that is supposed to be half time. Many don't work 20 hours a week at their TAships, but some do work many hours. Second, I did not, objectively speaking, work all that many actual hours last semester. There is theoretically enough room for the extra hours topology will add to my life, without compromising time to eat, sleep, relax, and so on.
However, last semester there were at least a few weeks (perhaps the middle half of the semester) when I was really and truly stressed, basically walking around like a zombie and fantasizing about going back to my old job and having an easier life. The stress subsided near the end, partly (perhaps) because the analysis prof stopped assigning homework, but also partly (I feel) because I figured out how to chill out a little bit. I think maybe--maybe--I can make that skill carry over to this new semester.
The following things are clear:
The dilemma is this. Last semester, I took the first semester of a two-semester logic & set theory course. I sort of hated it a lot in the middle, but I look back at it very fondly, and the stuff to be covered this coming semester is stuff that seems to come up a whole lot and that I really want to understand. I'm extremely tempted to take the second semester, and normally one does take both semesters of such a thing.
However! I took four courses last semester, and, though it was originally planned for me to take four this semester as well, the graduate advisor asked both me and the other fellowship recipient to only take three courses this semester. One of the courses I need to take is an Intro to Topology class. I think that class will be relatively easy ("relatively" being the key word here), and I'm not that excited about it, but I have never taken a topology class and I am planning to take the topology core sequence next year, and that just won't work. So: topology ho!
But I still want to take logic, and I don't know when the course will even be offered again. Also, though this may sound silly, all of my favorite people from my cohort are in that class. They are the brightest and (especially) the hardest-working of us, and being around them is really great for me.
I had decided in favor of topology - we must be practical, after all. But then Ed let me know that the logic professor is worried the second half of the class won't even make. So I changed my mind and have now signed up for both courses. This means I'll have four classes again, except that, unlike last semester, none of my courses will be a total blow-off like the pedagogy one was.
There are two reasons this should be possible, and one fairly compelling reason that it shouldn't be. First, other students routinely take three classes and have a TAship that is supposed to be half time. Many don't work 20 hours a week at their TAships, but some do work many hours. Second, I did not, objectively speaking, work all that many actual hours last semester. There is theoretically enough room for the extra hours topology will add to my life, without compromising time to eat, sleep, relax, and so on.
However, last semester there were at least a few weeks (perhaps the middle half of the semester) when I was really and truly stressed, basically walking around like a zombie and fantasizing about going back to my old job and having an easier life. The stress subsided near the end, partly (perhaps) because the analysis prof stopped assigning homework, but also partly (I feel) because I figured out how to chill out a little bit. I think maybe--maybe--I can make that skill carry over to this new semester.
The following things are clear:
- It's possible for me to drop a class if I need to, but I would feel bad about how it would look (not on my transcript, but in terms of how the professor teaching the course would view me).
- I'll need better time management; I need to get better at working early and often.
- If I succeed at this, I'll feel really good about it.
- If I succeed at this, I'll have learned some extra math that I'll be really happy and excited about.
- If I succeed at this, it will have made me stronger.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
A Second Chance
A couple of weeks from today, I start my second semester of grad school. The first semester went great, in retrospect - I ended up getting A's in all four classes (woot), and I remember it all extremely fondly. If I didn't remember having complained about how stressed out I was, I'd think I enjoyed the entire thing start to finish. I guess, as usual, I enjoy it retroactively. This probably bodes well for my real-time enjoyment of future semesters.
This whole grad school thing is really amazing. One of the most awesome things about it is the other people in my cohort (and in other years, potentially). There is a large social group I feel very comfortable in, and I am really close to two people in particular. I'm not used to having so many acquaintances and friends to enjoy, close at hand like this.
I went to a New Year's Eve party at Drew's parents' house in Missouri this year, and stayed for a couple of days. Jared and I drove up together. (These are the two I am close to.) I actually saw midnight on New Year's Eve for the first time in a few years, and I stayed up very late drinking somewhat heavily (though not so much that I became ill, passed out, or had a hangover the next day). I actually felt socially likeable and accepted. I felt like a fun person whom other people would naturally like.
Counting Drew, there were five people from our program there, but the majority of the attendees were Drew's other friends, most from her undergraduate school (a SLAC, I think). I liked many of them very well indeed, and there was nobody I felt I didn't like.
It is a little strange to think about. I am about halfway between Drew's friends and her parents, age-wise. Is it creepy to be 36 and hanging out with a bunch of people who (on average) just finished college? They seemed to accept and like me. I didn't feel out of place. I don't feel, moment-to-moment, like I am not one of them, despite the ~13 years of work experience I had before starting grad school.
What all of this feels like is a great big giant miraculous do-over for me. I feel like this is the life I should have had, but couldn't grasp when I was these people's age, but here I am now, getting to do it. I'm pretty immensely grateful for it, too.
This whole grad school thing is really amazing. One of the most awesome things about it is the other people in my cohort (and in other years, potentially). There is a large social group I feel very comfortable in, and I am really close to two people in particular. I'm not used to having so many acquaintances and friends to enjoy, close at hand like this.
I went to a New Year's Eve party at Drew's parents' house in Missouri this year, and stayed for a couple of days. Jared and I drove up together. (These are the two I am close to.) I actually saw midnight on New Year's Eve for the first time in a few years, and I stayed up very late drinking somewhat heavily (though not so much that I became ill, passed out, or had a hangover the next day). I actually felt socially likeable and accepted. I felt like a fun person whom other people would naturally like.
Counting Drew, there were five people from our program there, but the majority of the attendees were Drew's other friends, most from her undergraduate school (a SLAC, I think). I liked many of them very well indeed, and there was nobody I felt I didn't like.
It is a little strange to think about. I am about halfway between Drew's friends and her parents, age-wise. Is it creepy to be 36 and hanging out with a bunch of people who (on average) just finished college? They seemed to accept and like me. I didn't feel out of place. I don't feel, moment-to-moment, like I am not one of them, despite the ~13 years of work experience I had before starting grad school.
What all of this feels like is a great big giant miraculous do-over for me. I feel like this is the life I should have had, but couldn't grasp when I was these people's age, but here I am now, getting to do it. I'm pretty immensely grateful for it, too.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
All Done (Mostly)
I still need to write a teaching philosophy statement, but other than that, I'm all done with my first semester of grad school. Woot.
The analysis exam was not as dire as I had anticipated. We had to do 6 problems out of 9, and I finished 5.5 problems. I don't think my answers were completely correct, but the fact that I'll be getting graded out of 90+ points is very cheering. I got a 55% on the midterm and I don't think I'll have less than a 75% on this exam, so that's a large improvement. Given that our professor has told us not to worry about grades (including telling one woman who did much worse than I did on the midterm specifically not to worry about her grade), I'm expecting a B in this class.
The logic final (our only exam in that class) was today. As expected, it consisted of basic skills from the class rather than proofs or things that required us to have memorized a lot of the theorems and tricky things from the assignments. Given that I needed less than 50% credit on it to have an A in the course, I'm fairly secure in that A.
I also think I'll have an A in probability and in my math pedagogy class. That gives me a good GPA for the semester and means that I passed all of my courses (meaning that I got at least a B), which is really what counts. So: woot!
I need to do better in analysis next semester, though. The main key in that class seems to be working through the exercises in the book, so I'm going to plan to do that. Another student in the class and I are planning to work together to read the sections and work on the problems before the material is taught in class, so that if we have questions we'll know what they are in advance. We'll see how that works out, but hopefully I'll have time; I think my course load will be easier this coming semester. (I will need to make time whether I have time or not.)
Now I have a month off. I feel weird about it already. The next semester doesn't start until mid-January. (Yes, this is where you people with real jobs can want to kick my ass. Believe me, I get it.)
Coming up next semester: statistics, the second half of real analysis, and an introductory topology course.
The analysis exam was not as dire as I had anticipated. We had to do 6 problems out of 9, and I finished 5.5 problems. I don't think my answers were completely correct, but the fact that I'll be getting graded out of 90+ points is very cheering. I got a 55% on the midterm and I don't think I'll have less than a 75% on this exam, so that's a large improvement. Given that our professor has told us not to worry about grades (including telling one woman who did much worse than I did on the midterm specifically not to worry about her grade), I'm expecting a B in this class.
The logic final (our only exam in that class) was today. As expected, it consisted of basic skills from the class rather than proofs or things that required us to have memorized a lot of the theorems and tricky things from the assignments. Given that I needed less than 50% credit on it to have an A in the course, I'm fairly secure in that A.
I also think I'll have an A in probability and in my math pedagogy class. That gives me a good GPA for the semester and means that I passed all of my courses (meaning that I got at least a B), which is really what counts. So: woot!
I need to do better in analysis next semester, though. The main key in that class seems to be working through the exercises in the book, so I'm going to plan to do that. Another student in the class and I are planning to work together to read the sections and work on the problems before the material is taught in class, so that if we have questions we'll know what they are in advance. We'll see how that works out, but hopefully I'll have time; I think my course load will be easier this coming semester. (I will need to make time whether I have time or not.)
Now I have a month off. I feel weird about it already. The next semester doesn't start until mid-January. (Yes, this is where you people with real jobs can want to kick my ass. Believe me, I get it.)
Coming up next semester: statistics, the second half of real analysis, and an introductory topology course.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Today's Accomplishments
Life is hard around here lately. School kind of ate me, and I'm waiting to see if I will agree with its digestion. (I'm not sure which outcome to prefer, frankly.) I'm not technically "behind" at anything right now, but I still feel I'm being crushed. At any rate, here are my accomplishments for today:
Despite the above, it hasn't felt like a very productive day. I can't tell what is or is not productive. I'm pretty sure I didn't work anywhere near 8 hours, which is a standard work day. My program doesn't seem, so far, to require that amount of work. Yet the amount of work that it does require feels like it might be beyond me. And yet, I'm basically crushing (with enormous effort) my classes so far, and, as I said earlier, I don't think I'm actually behind on anything. So I don't know what to think. I feel like a person driving a car that has lost control of steering and brakes but who happens to be going down a straight freeway with no traffic...for the moment.
At least this isn't as bad as Tuesday night, when, as I stayed up until 4AM to finish my logic homework, I kept thinking about how grad school was pitting the intolerable (finishing the homework) against the unthinkable (not finishing it).
- Wrote up the last lecture of analysis notes. (I rewrite, with additions/modifications/clarifications, the notes from each analysis lecture. This is critical to my understanding and ability to reference the material later. Lately I was several lectures behing, but I am now caught up.)
- Talked to Ed about a couple of things I didn't understand from the analysis notes. We were able to resolve them together.
- Looked extensively at the two problems on this week's analysis homework. I solved (I think) the first problem, which I typed up in LaTex. The second problem was less tractable but I identified some of the difficulties I have with it, and thought about those for a while.
- Typed up the Logic homework problems. I haven't started working on this homework yet, and I think we haven't covered almost anything that is on the homework (due 11 days from now), but at least the problems are typed up, so I can modify this document when I'm ready to start working. Also, by typing up the problems, I now have a much clearer idea of what the homework entails. ("Entails," ha ha ha.) These homeworks have typically been 15-20 pages of dense handwriting on college-ruled paper, so I've decided to experiment with typing this one up instead of killing my hand. (My right middle finger has developed a chronic bruisey ache when I write by hand for more than an hour or so at a time.)
- Tested the draft lecture notes I wrote for the 10-minute mini-lecture on completing the square that I might have to deliver on Wednesday (but probably won't deliver until the next week). My first draft took 12 minutes to deliver, which is pretty good, so I revised it downward. The second draft took 14 minutes. Oops. I have done a third draft but I didn't have the heart to deliver this (complete with writing on the board, of course) to an empty room for the third time, so that will have to wait.
- Brought my Probability book home from school so I can finish up the homework due Wednesday (which was posted to our course website yesterday, when I did about 3/4 of it when I saw that it had shown up).
Despite the above, it hasn't felt like a very productive day. I can't tell what is or is not productive. I'm pretty sure I didn't work anywhere near 8 hours, which is a standard work day. My program doesn't seem, so far, to require that amount of work. Yet the amount of work that it does require feels like it might be beyond me. And yet, I'm basically crushing (with enormous effort) my classes so far, and, as I said earlier, I don't think I'm actually behind on anything. So I don't know what to think. I feel like a person driving a car that has lost control of steering and brakes but who happens to be going down a straight freeway with no traffic...for the moment.At least this isn't as bad as Tuesday night, when, as I stayed up until 4AM to finish my logic homework, I kept thinking about how grad school was pitting the intolerable (finishing the homework) against the unthinkable (not finishing it).
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Fiasco Week
The past couple of weeks, before this one, have been pretty easy. I knew that they were going to be pretty easy because I didn't have any logic homework due until this week and nothing big was happening in my pedagogy class, leaving only the normal weekly analysis and probability homework. And the first of these two weeks, I worked hard to make sure I was doing enough not to make this week hellacious. But last week I didn't do very well, and in fact I am not sure I accomplished anything at all Thursday through Saturday aside from attending classes.
This morning, our third mammoth logic homework was due. It had 10 problems. We usually have two weeks for these homeworks, but our professor was out of the country for a week, so we had three weeks for this. Last night I had finished the 8th problem by 8:30, so I had two more problems to do.
I finished (mostly) at 4:19 AM. And...ugh. That is just way too late to be up doing homework. Part of the reason it took so long is that sometime after 8:30 I just really broke down. I had a bad headache, I felt hopeless about the derivations that I had to do, and I just...I don't know. A friend from our program invited me over to her house, and I went, and working with her was great, but didn't prevent me from falling apart.
I skipped logic class this morning (got Ed to turn in my homework for me) and slept in until 12:30, then barely made it to my probability class on time at 2. (Thank goodness I had finished my probability homework, also due today, some days earlier.)
Tomorrow I have analysis homework due. We get this homework once a week and it's always one problem. Sometimes the problem is fairly tractable and other times it fills me with despair, but so far I have always gotten them done on time, correctly, for full credit, so that's promising. This is my little mountain to climb each week, and doing them, and doing them well, fills me with a lot of joy every time.
I am almost always either completely finished by Monday or I basically know what I'm doing and just need to clean up the execution a tiny bit during the week. But even though this one is due tomorrow, I still don't know how to do it. I did work on it a little bit (read: four pages worth of notes' worth of work) on Saturday, but I didn't get anywhere with it. I do have things I can try next, so I don't feel hopeless quite yet, but I'm not in a great position.
Another thing I do every week is neatly rewrite my analysis class notes, filling in the missing details and making sure that I understand them. I'm three lectures behind on doing that (there are two lectures each week), so that's not great either.
I think one thing that I need to do is regularize my sleep schedule. I have morning classes M/W/F but only afternoon classes T/Th so it's always very tempting to sleep in on those days, especially if I've stayed up late the night before working on something, but really in any case. But I don't think that's doing any favors for my productivity overall, because it means there are more days on which I feel disoriented due to getting up at a strange time.
I am also thinking of giving up caffeine (for the umpteenth time). It's getting to the point where I feel mentally dull all day until I have my tea, and that's not good, and last night's headache may have been caffeine-imbalance-related as well.
Now it's time for me to go tackle the analysis homework for real. What's unfortunate is that I am much more willing to work on something that isn't due yet than on something that is due soon. I don't like the feeling that I have to figure this out in the next, say, eight hours in order to have a legitimate shot of being able to turn in something decent tomorrow, and it makes me not want to look at it at all (or, you know, not yet).
Looking forward, next week should be a bit easier. We don't have a new logic homework yet, possibly because we have a (small) paper due in 2.5 weeks, and the only big thing I need to do other than next week's analysis is prepare and be ready to deliver a 10-minute mini-lecture on a college algebra/pre-calc topic for my pedagogy class. That means I'd better work hard on that paper next week.
This morning, our third mammoth logic homework was due. It had 10 problems. We usually have two weeks for these homeworks, but our professor was out of the country for a week, so we had three weeks for this. Last night I had finished the 8th problem by 8:30, so I had two more problems to do.
I finished (mostly) at 4:19 AM. And...ugh. That is just way too late to be up doing homework. Part of the reason it took so long is that sometime after 8:30 I just really broke down. I had a bad headache, I felt hopeless about the derivations that I had to do, and I just...I don't know. A friend from our program invited me over to her house, and I went, and working with her was great, but didn't prevent me from falling apart.
I skipped logic class this morning (got Ed to turn in my homework for me) and slept in until 12:30, then barely made it to my probability class on time at 2. (Thank goodness I had finished my probability homework, also due today, some days earlier.)
Tomorrow I have analysis homework due. We get this homework once a week and it's always one problem. Sometimes the problem is fairly tractable and other times it fills me with despair, but so far I have always gotten them done on time, correctly, for full credit, so that's promising. This is my little mountain to climb each week, and doing them, and doing them well, fills me with a lot of joy every time.
I am almost always either completely finished by Monday or I basically know what I'm doing and just need to clean up the execution a tiny bit during the week. But even though this one is due tomorrow, I still don't know how to do it. I did work on it a little bit (read: four pages worth of notes' worth of work) on Saturday, but I didn't get anywhere with it. I do have things I can try next, so I don't feel hopeless quite yet, but I'm not in a great position.
Another thing I do every week is neatly rewrite my analysis class notes, filling in the missing details and making sure that I understand them. I'm three lectures behind on doing that (there are two lectures each week), so that's not great either.
I think one thing that I need to do is regularize my sleep schedule. I have morning classes M/W/F but only afternoon classes T/Th so it's always very tempting to sleep in on those days, especially if I've stayed up late the night before working on something, but really in any case. But I don't think that's doing any favors for my productivity overall, because it means there are more days on which I feel disoriented due to getting up at a strange time.
I am also thinking of giving up caffeine (for the umpteenth time). It's getting to the point where I feel mentally dull all day until I have my tea, and that's not good, and last night's headache may have been caffeine-imbalance-related as well.
Now it's time for me to go tackle the analysis homework for real. What's unfortunate is that I am much more willing to work on something that isn't due yet than on something that is due soon. I don't like the feeling that I have to figure this out in the next, say, eight hours in order to have a legitimate shot of being able to turn in something decent tomorrow, and it makes me not want to look at it at all (or, you know, not yet).
Looking forward, next week should be a bit easier. We don't have a new logic homework yet, possibly because we have a (small) paper due in 2.5 weeks, and the only big thing I need to do other than next week's analysis is prepare and be ready to deliver a 10-minute mini-lecture on a college algebra/pre-calc topic for my pedagogy class. That means I'd better work hard on that paper next week.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Working-Procrastination Continuum
My work habits have definitely changed a little bit since I started grad school, shifting towards the better end of what I see as a continuum between working and procrastinating that goes something like this:
Flow: You're working and not even thinking about not working. You might not notice that you're getting hungry or stiff, and when it's time to stop, you wish you could go on. If you do take a break, you spend it wanting to get back to work.
Work is Work: You're working pretty steadily, but it's rough going. You take breaks when you can, and think a lot about how much longer you have to go, or how much more you need to do.
Pretending to Work: You're sort of doing some work, but you stop every few minutes to check email or play solitaire or stare into space. You're trying to get settled down and do some work, but not much is being accomplished.
Trying to Get to Work: You have a definite plan to start working, but you're trying to pry yourself out of bed/away from the TV/off the Internet. There might be a couple of things you need to do first, like clean off your desk or get a glass of water, but you're not quite doing those things yet. But you will soon - honest!
Procrastinating: There's something you could, maybe should, be working on, but you figure you can work on it later, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. You definitely plan to do it, there's no doubt about that, but not right now.
Pretending to Procrastinate: You claim that you're going to do something, but if you look into yourself, there is no plan at all for getting it done. You might be in a sort of passive rebellion against doing it. There is no time that it could occur to you to work on it that you would actually then go and actually work on it. It is not possible that the conditions under which you would do the work could occur. Some change in attitude (perhaps partly unconscious) would be required in order for it to happen.
Refusal/Blowing Off: You consciously have no intention of doing a particular thing, though you realize that in some sense you should. Perhaps you've given up because there is no longer enough time to get it done before it's due, and it won't be accepted late, or maybe you've just decided it's not a priority for you.
I used to spend the bulk of my working hours in the range from "Pretending to procrastinate" to "Pretending to work" range. I find that, now that I'm in school, I'm never (so far) pretending to procrastinate, and most of my work times are in the "Trying to get to work" to "Flow" range. It's hard to distinguish between procrastinating and just not working right now in my current life, since I always have work that I could be doing, and yet I don't need to work 12 or 16 hours a day either. But cutting out that "pretending to procrastinate" stage is a big deal for me, and spending more time in the various working stages is great.
I still spend a vast amount of time in the "trying to work to work" and "pretending to work" phases. I'm not sure how to get better at that.
Flow: You're working and not even thinking about not working. You might not notice that you're getting hungry or stiff, and when it's time to stop, you wish you could go on. If you do take a break, you spend it wanting to get back to work.
Work is Work: You're working pretty steadily, but it's rough going. You take breaks when you can, and think a lot about how much longer you have to go, or how much more you need to do.
Pretending to Work: You're sort of doing some work, but you stop every few minutes to check email or play solitaire or stare into space. You're trying to get settled down and do some work, but not much is being accomplished.
Trying to Get to Work: You have a definite plan to start working, but you're trying to pry yourself out of bed/away from the TV/off the Internet. There might be a couple of things you need to do first, like clean off your desk or get a glass of water, but you're not quite doing those things yet. But you will soon - honest!
Procrastinating: There's something you could, maybe should, be working on, but you figure you can work on it later, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. You definitely plan to do it, there's no doubt about that, but not right now.
Pretending to Procrastinate: You claim that you're going to do something, but if you look into yourself, there is no plan at all for getting it done. You might be in a sort of passive rebellion against doing it. There is no time that it could occur to you to work on it that you would actually then go and actually work on it. It is not possible that the conditions under which you would do the work could occur. Some change in attitude (perhaps partly unconscious) would be required in order for it to happen.
Refusal/Blowing Off: You consciously have no intention of doing a particular thing, though you realize that in some sense you should. Perhaps you've given up because there is no longer enough time to get it done before it's due, and it won't be accepted late, or maybe you've just decided it's not a priority for you.
I used to spend the bulk of my working hours in the range from "Pretending to procrastinate" to "Pretending to work" range. I find that, now that I'm in school, I'm never (so far) pretending to procrastinate, and most of my work times are in the "Trying to get to work" to "Flow" range. It's hard to distinguish between procrastinating and just not working right now in my current life, since I always have work that I could be doing, and yet I don't need to work 12 or 16 hours a day either. But cutting out that "pretending to procrastinate" stage is a big deal for me, and spending more time in the various working stages is great.
I still spend a vast amount of time in the "trying to work to work" and "pretending to work" phases. I'm not sure how to get better at that.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Library Excitement
Today I went to the math & science library at school to get some books I had identified as possibly useful for the 1000-word paper I need to write about a 19th century logician. I visited that library when I was here in April, but hadn't been since school started.
The main library here seems very nice and spacious, but the science library is byzantine, cramped, low-ceilinged, and noticeably fluorescently-lit. (Of course, everything on campus is fluorescently lit, but it's not usually objectionable.) However, there were multiple shelves of books about logic and logicians and I wanted to collect them all! It was very exciting.
Also, since I am a doctoral student, my books are not due until the end of the freakin' semester, which kind of blew my mind. Overall I am pretty psyched about the library situation, thus further proving, were it necessary, that I am a nerd.
The main library here seems very nice and spacious, but the science library is byzantine, cramped, low-ceilinged, and noticeably fluorescently-lit. (Of course, everything on campus is fluorescently lit, but it's not usually objectionable.) However, there were multiple shelves of books about logic and logicians and I wanted to collect them all! It was very exciting.
Also, since I am a doctoral student, my books are not due until the end of the freakin' semester, which kind of blew my mind. Overall I am pretty psyched about the library situation, thus further proving, were it necessary, that I am a nerd.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
My Life
Before I moved here and started grad school, I felt that I had no idea what this life would be like. I know just what it's like to go to an office job every day, and I think the tenor of that life is similar across different jobs. But being in school full time - especially doing nothing but school, as I'm doing now - is a different thing. What would it be like not having as much income? A more variable schedule? A choice of where to work most of the time?
Well, I know what it's like now, I guess. In some ways, it's surprising how much I feel the same, like the same person as I was before. I know that couldn't surprise anyone else about me - of course I'm the same Tam! - but it feels surprising inside somehow.
One observation is that my current life feels much simpler than my old life. Every day, M-F, I walk to school, do stuff, and then walk back home. I almost never drive anywhere during the week, and on the weekends I usually only make one or two trips, for groceries and maybe to go eat somewhere or something. As a result, I don't see as many different things as I used to. My world has contracted a bit physically.
5 times a week, usually at lunch, I eat at a dining hall here, usually the same one. The food is different every day, but the experience is very similar. I used to eat out almost every weekday for lunch, at all different places, so this is another simplification. I go to this place and I eat whatever they have there. The rest of my meals I eat at home, and they are also not greatly varied.
At work, I used to interact (for work purposes) with a bunch of different people, and my assignments were varied, numerous, and overlapping. I'm doing more work now than I was then, yet it is given by fewer people and is less varied while at the same time also being far less routine. And everything has very clear deadlines, which wasn't the case when I was working.
It feels like in general, my life is more tightly circumscribed than before. And I pretty much like it.
For the most part, I don't find myself struggling as much as usual with motivation. Having clear deadlines and more difficult, interesting work makes it much easier for me to get stuff done. I've been operating in a pretty high gear (for me) since school started. I have found, however, that I will need to kick that up a notch to really do well, because my high gear isn't quite adequate to keep me out of the danger of not getting things finished on time. Work comes due in little clumps, so I have the option of relaxing for a few days and then having a few more stressful days, and I'd like to smooth that curve out a bit more than I've been doing.
But there is no question that this life is more enjoyable in just about every way than working for a living.
Well, I know what it's like now, I guess. In some ways, it's surprising how much I feel the same, like the same person as I was before. I know that couldn't surprise anyone else about me - of course I'm the same Tam! - but it feels surprising inside somehow.
One observation is that my current life feels much simpler than my old life. Every day, M-F, I walk to school, do stuff, and then walk back home. I almost never drive anywhere during the week, and on the weekends I usually only make one or two trips, for groceries and maybe to go eat somewhere or something. As a result, I don't see as many different things as I used to. My world has contracted a bit physically.
5 times a week, usually at lunch, I eat at a dining hall here, usually the same one. The food is different every day, but the experience is very similar. I used to eat out almost every weekday for lunch, at all different places, so this is another simplification. I go to this place and I eat whatever they have there. The rest of my meals I eat at home, and they are also not greatly varied.
At work, I used to interact (for work purposes) with a bunch of different people, and my assignments were varied, numerous, and overlapping. I'm doing more work now than I was then, yet it is given by fewer people and is less varied while at the same time also being far less routine. And everything has very clear deadlines, which wasn't the case when I was working.
It feels like in general, my life is more tightly circumscribed than before. And I pretty much like it.
For the most part, I don't find myself struggling as much as usual with motivation. Having clear deadlines and more difficult, interesting work makes it much easier for me to get stuff done. I've been operating in a pretty high gear (for me) since school started. I have found, however, that I will need to kick that up a notch to really do well, because my high gear isn't quite adequate to keep me out of the danger of not getting things finished on time. Work comes due in little clumps, so I have the option of relaxing for a few days and then having a few more stressful days, and I'd like to smooth that curve out a bit more than I've been doing.
But there is no question that this life is more enjoyable in just about every way than working for a living.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Fall 2010 Schedule
This morning, I met with the graduate advisor and we hammered out my schedule for the fall. I'll be taking four courses rather than the usual three since I have a fellowship and don't have to work as a TA this year. The final schedule is as follows:
5000 Instructional Issues for the Professional Mathematician
M/W 3:30-4:50PM
This is the class for new TA/TF's. I guess I get to take it this year even though I won't really be a TA/TF until next year. This one also meets twice before the semester starts (so, next week).
5010 Mathematical Logic and Set Theory
M/W/F 10:00-10:50AM
This isn't a normal course in the sequence, I don't think, but more of a one-off. The advisor recommended it as being probably very interesting and possibly a good prep for topology later on.
5310 Functions of a Real Variable
Tu/Th 2:00-3:20PM
This is the first course of the core sequence for real analysis. After this course and its successor, I could be ready to take the qualifying exam in real analysis.
5810 Probability & Statistics
M/W 2:00-3:20PM
Prob/stats is not a required core sequence at UNT, but they do have a qualifying exam in it (new this year; nobody has taken it yet, ever), and this is the first course of the sequence for that one.
Dr. B originally had me starting the Algebra sequence instead of Prob/Stats, but I told him I might want to do research in probability ultimately, so we swapped it out so this would happen earlier in my graduate career.
My first job at this stage in the game is to pass two qualifying exams, so it's important to get to the four required core sequences (real analysis, complex analysis, algebra, and topology) as soon as I can. If we count prob/stats (which we can since it has a qual associated with, even though it's not one of the required four sequences), I'll be taking care of two of those this year. Dr. B would like me to take my first qualifying exam next August and the second one in January of '12. I technically have four years to pass two of these exams, but doing it earlier is better.
I also got my campus ID and access to the computer labs (password, etc.) so I'm doing pretty well.
The plan for next semester is that I will take the continuation of the prob/stats, analysis, and logic courses, plus either the introductory topology course (the prelude to the core sequence in topology) or a reading course in something or other (to help me prepare for one of the exams).
5000 Instructional Issues for the Professional Mathematician
M/W 3:30-4:50PM
This is the class for new TA/TF's. I guess I get to take it this year even though I won't really be a TA/TF until next year. This one also meets twice before the semester starts (so, next week).
5010 Mathematical Logic and Set Theory
M/W/F 10:00-10:50AM
This isn't a normal course in the sequence, I don't think, but more of a one-off. The advisor recommended it as being probably very interesting and possibly a good prep for topology later on.
5310 Functions of a Real Variable
Tu/Th 2:00-3:20PM
This is the first course of the core sequence for real analysis. After this course and its successor, I could be ready to take the qualifying exam in real analysis.
5810 Probability & Statistics
M/W 2:00-3:20PM
Prob/stats is not a required core sequence at UNT, but they do have a qualifying exam in it (new this year; nobody has taken it yet, ever), and this is the first course of the sequence for that one.
Dr. B originally had me starting the Algebra sequence instead of Prob/Stats, but I told him I might want to do research in probability ultimately, so we swapped it out so this would happen earlier in my graduate career.
My first job at this stage in the game is to pass two qualifying exams, so it's important to get to the four required core sequences (real analysis, complex analysis, algebra, and topology) as soon as I can. If we count prob/stats (which we can since it has a qual associated with, even though it's not one of the required four sequences), I'll be taking care of two of those this year. Dr. B would like me to take my first qualifying exam next August and the second one in January of '12. I technically have four years to pass two of these exams, but doing it earlier is better.
I also got my campus ID and access to the computer labs (password, etc.) so I'm doing pretty well.
The plan for next semester is that I will take the continuation of the prob/stats, analysis, and logic courses, plus either the introductory topology course (the prelude to the core sequence in topology) or a reading course in something or other (to help me prepare for one of the exams).
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