Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Spring Break 2011

My Spring Break is next week - yippee!

I don't have any particular plans, and so there's a danger the week will go by in a kind of haze of boredom and too many "Without a Trace" reruns and vague intentions of doing some kind of academic work.

I don't know all of what I'll have due when I get back. Guesses:

Logic: We're getting 6 homeworks total and have finished 3. I'm guessing no homework over the break.

Analysis: We usually have an assignment every week, so I think this one will be no different. We should have a midterm at some point, so that could be the week after break instead. I am a bit behind on my notes/studying for this course anyway.

Stats: I imagine we'll have a normal homework assignment like every week.

Topology: I have an assignment due the Friday after break.

So I've written up a schedule (complete with checkboxes next to every item) for how I want to spend by Spring Break. It reads as follows:

Saturday
  • Groceries
  • Launder towels
  • Clean master bathroom
  • Dishes

Sunday
  • Have fun

Monday
  • 2 hours analysis
  • 2 hours topology
  • Dishes

Tuesday
  • Podiatrist appointment
  • 2 hours analysis
  • 2 hours statistics

Wednesday
  • 2 hours analysis
  • 1 hour statistics
  • 1 hour topology
  • Dishes

Thursday
  • 2 hours analysis
  • 2 hours topology

Friday
  • 2 hours analysis
  • 1 hour statistics
  • 1 hour topology
  • Dishes

Saturday
  • Finish statistics assignment
  • 2 hours analysis
  • Groceries

Sunday
  • Have fun
  • Dishes
I'm hoping this schedule will overall maximize my fun and relaxation over the week, since I'll know what I want to accomplish each day, and trying to get it done will allow me to really enjoy the rest of the time. By my calculations, after sleeping, eating, grooming, and everything on this list, I'll have about 70 hours left over for pure fun and doing whatever the hell I want. (Of course, "whatever I want" may well include additional academic work, and that's fine.)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Work-Life Boundary

Earlier this week, I was reading some posts about how many hours people in academia work every week. Some people claimed to work about 35 hours a week, and others claimed more in the 70-80 hour range. Some asserted that professionals in "9-5" jobs typically work 60 hours a week anyway, and others that comparing an academic job to a 9-5 job is folly.

I've come to realize that one of my favorite things about being in grad school, as strange as this is, is that I always have something I should be doing. I don't actually work all that many hours (certainly not 60), but every single day my focus is on what I can get done that day, and how, and when. I don't have any days off. And I love it.

When I had a job-type job, there were hours I was required to be at work (not necessarily working) and hours that were my free, non-work time. I had a job and, separately, the rest of my life. Now it feels like my life is my work. I still spend most of my time not working, but I am never not thinking of work and how to get back to it.

I'm not sure why I like this but I really do.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

A Partner but Not a Boyfriend?

Ed and I started dating in May of 2007, and last November (2010), he broke up with me. Things hadn't been working well since around the beginning of the semester, when all of my attention went to school and I had no energy for relationship maintenance, and also, I think, some longstanding patterns between us weren't working well for me anyway. I had a distinct and increasing lack of interest in making things work. Sometimes I felt on the verge of breaking up with him, but doing so also felt unthinkable.

Since then, in many ways, things have only improved between us. We are still living together (not planning to change that anytime soon), sleeping in the same bed (which could change), getting along well (better than before, I'd say), and doing all of the things that boyfriends and girlfriends do. There are a lot of "I love you"s and other romantic things. We're experimenting with ways to be in a relationship with each other.

I often call him my "semi-ex-boyfriend." (I guess if this ends, I can start calling him my "ex-semi-boyfriend.")

It occurred to me the other night that he's sort of my partner but not my boyfriend. But given that our relationship is indistinguishable from a regular boyfriend-girlfriend one, what makes him not my boyfriend? Is it just that we're not using those words? Is it purely a technicality?

I don't think so, necessarily. For one thing, our relationship isn't exclusive at all. It has always had a degree of openness to it, but it's more blatantly non-exclusive now than in the past. And for another thing, we lack a certain sense between us that we are staying together. In general, the assumption with a boyfriend is that if nothing goes wrong, you're going to stay together, possibly forever, maybe leading to marriage if you are the marrying type. Our relationship lacks that sense right now, because it clearly doesn't meet the conditions for us to be happy together long-term, at least as each other's primary partners. This just isn't where I'm laying my bets for the future.

So for now I am just living with, hanging out with, and loving one of my closest friends. I'm sure it's confusing for other people, but it seems to be working for us pretty well right now.

Monday, February 07, 2011

The Leg (with Bonus Song!)

On MLK, Jr. Day, the day before school started, I had a nasty fall in the bathroom and sprained my knee. What happened was that I got into the shower, then realized I wanted to see something on the bathroom counter, got back out, stood with my legs too far apart, and my feet slipped outwards in opposite directions. I'm nowhere near flexible enough to do a split, and what gave first, I guess, was my right knee.

There was some screaming.

After a while, the pain subsided and I began to gingerly see if I had any serious injuries. Everything seemed all right. I carefully got onto my knees and then stood up on my lef (uninjured) leg. I was very heartened to find that nothing was seriously wrong with me despite the pain I'd felt. I put my right foot down...and promptly my knee gave out again and I found myself on the floor, screaming again (though not as much the second time).

I live on the second floor, Ed wasn't coming back from Austin until that night, and I felt pretty doomed. I considered calling Drew (grad school friend) to see if she could come help me, but what could she do?

I managed to reach some clothes from the floor so that I could at least be dressed, and then I called 911. Once the paramedics were en route, I used my elbow to drag myself over to the door so I could unlock it for them. They showed up pretty quickly and ultimately carried me down the stairs in a special ambulance chair and took me to the hospital.

Nothing was broken; I got crutches, a pain med prescription, and advice to stay off it for a bit. Drew came and picked me up in her big truck, which was interesting because I had no way to get in. If you think about trying to get into a full-sized truck while only putting any weight on one leg, it's pretty much impossible, at least if you don't have the upper body strength to do a pull-up using the panic handle. Ultimately she folded the back seats up and I was able to sit on the floor back there and scooch in.

Anyway, it's been three weeks now, and the knee has healed pretty quickly compared to what I expected. I can walk unassisted (with a pretty heavy limp), but have been carrying a cane for longer distances. (When I use the cane, my limp isn't as noticeable to me. I also like the way it is a signal to other people that I have an issue and am not just slow or obstructive.)

My knee seems to be OK from a weight-bearing perspective. I've been careful. I went up and down the stairs at my complex on my butt for a long time, but these days I can walk up in the normal way (a bit slowly). I walk downstairs as well, but I put both feet on each step before going to the next one.

It used to hurt a lot when my lower leg went in or out from my knee (to the inside or outside, I mean), but that seems to have pretty much gone away. The only thing that hurts now is when my knee goes into an acute angle, especially suddenly (for instance, when I sit on the edge of the bathtub to scoop out the cat box), or when I bend my knee at all if it's been straight for a while (like rolling from my stomach onto my side when I'm asleep). I also can't easily straighten my leg all the way out, so when I stand, most of my weight is on my left (good) leg. I guess that flexibility will return in time.

Other than that, I'm pretty good. I'm really glad this has resolved so quickly. I walk to and from school every day normally, so not being able to walk was putting a lot of strain on me and on the people I was bumming rides from, and of course there's no way to bum rides from one building to another on campus, so that was annoying too. (I found walking on crutches truly exhausting and difficult.)

I promised you a bonus song. I was torn between this one and "Montana" but this one worked a little better for me.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Types of Proofs

When you're first taking a course in math proofs, you learn about things like direct proof, proof by contradiction, proof by induction, and so on. Now that I have more experience, these are the types of proofs that I've experienced:

Proof by Algebra
These are the types of proofs most often encountered in a math class that isn't very proof-oriented, like statistics or (sometimes) linear algebra. The problem will say something like
A Palanquin Duo is a pair of numbers, x and y, such that x+ y = a for some real number a. Then the product xy is called a Palanquin Product. Show that the minimum Palanquin Product for a given a occurs when x = y = a/2.
[Yes, I made this up completely.] You see this and you go "shit, that's a bunch of weird crap" but when you go to do it, it just requires some algebra (or calculus, or whatever - basically some calculations/math that are sort of obvious in context). Often these are pretty easy because it's sort of obvious what the next step is, and you just have to have faith that if you keep going, the proof will work out.

Proof by Definition
These proofs usually ask you to verify that something specified in the proof is, in fact, an Thing, where the Thing is something that is defined in the course. For example,
Let A1 and A2 be two topologies on a space, X. Show that A1 intersect A2 is also a topology on X.
When you first, in your math career, encounter this type of proof, you often think something like, "My gosh, why would that be true?" But if you look at the definition of a topology (or whatever), you can easily verify that all of the conditions are easily met using the assumptions that you're given.

Proof by Construction
I may not be using the word "construction" here as it is usually used in math. But sometimes you are asked to show that something exists and the easiest way is to actually show how it can be made. For example,
Show that every Lebesque-measurable function may be approximated by a step function such that [blah blah conditions].
I see these in analysis, mostly, where you end up doing a lot of stuff with epsilons and deltas and building up a giant edifice step by step. These types of proofs can be very hard.

Proof by Induction
The canonical induction proofs are when you want to prove something for every natural number, for instance,
For $n>1$, show that $2 + 2^n + 2^3 + ... + 2^n = 2^(n+1) - 2$
To do this, you prove that the statement is true for n=1 and then that, if it is true for some n, it is true for n+1. But there are much more complicated and interesting types of induction proofs out there as well. Induction is fun - when you can get it to work, it often feels like cheating.

Proof by a Trick You'd Never Have Thought Of
I assume this is self-explanatory. Usually the professor will show these proofs in class rather than expecting you to do them as homework. There is a reason some theorems are named after the mathematician who first proved or formulated them!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Terrifying Product

Every time I go to Kroger, I pass this product, and am gobsmacked by how horrifying it is:You may not be able to read the jar in this image, but it says 'Walden Farms Calorie Free Alfredo Sauce.'

Good luck sleeping tonight.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Spring Schedule

This is my schedule for Spring 2011.

Mondays & Wednesdays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory
2:00-3:20PM Statistics

Tuesdays & Thursdays
11:00AM-12:20PM Intro to Topology
2:00-3:20PM Real Analysis

Fridays
10:00-10:50AM Logic & Set Theory

So I have basically a pretty consistent schedule every day except that on Fridays I have no afternoon class.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Doomed. Doomed, I Tell You!

I've been facing a dilemma (two conflicting lemmas!) for the past few weeks, and I have finally resolved it, though I have resolved it in the direction of ultimate doom. Pray for my sanity, friends.

The dilemma is this. Last semester, I took the first semester of a two-semester logic & set theory course. I sort of hated it a lot in the middle, but I look back at it very fondly, and the stuff to be covered this coming semester is stuff that seems to come up a whole lot and that I really want to understand. I'm extremely tempted to take the second semester, and normally one does take both semesters of such a thing.

However! I took four courses last semester, and, though it was originally planned for me to take four this semester as well, the graduate advisor asked both me and the other fellowship recipient to only take three courses this semester. One of the courses I need to take is an Intro to Topology class. I think that class will be relatively easy ("relatively" being the key word here), and I'm not that excited about it, but I have never taken a topology class and I am planning to take the topology core sequence next year, and that just won't work. So: topology ho!

But I still want to take logic, and I don't know when the course will even be offered again. Also, though this may sound silly, all of my favorite people from my cohort are in that class. They are the brightest and (especially) the hardest-working of us, and being around them is really great for me.

I had decided in favor of topology - we must be practical, after all. But then Ed let me know that the logic professor is worried the second half of the class won't even make. So I changed my mind and have now signed up for both courses. This means I'll have four classes again, except that, unlike last semester, none of my courses will be a total blow-off like the pedagogy one was.

There are two reasons this should be possible, and one fairly compelling reason that it shouldn't be. First, other students routinely take three classes and have a TAship that is supposed to be half time. Many don't work 20 hours a week at their TAships, but some do work many hours. Second, I did not, objectively speaking, work all that many actual hours last semester. There is theoretically enough room for the extra hours topology will add to my life, without compromising time to eat, sleep, relax, and so on.

However, last semester there were at least a few weeks (perhaps the middle half of the semester) when I was really and truly stressed, basically walking around like a zombie and fantasizing about going back to my old job and having an easier life. The stress subsided near the end, partly (perhaps) because the analysis prof stopped assigning homework, but also partly (I feel) because I figured out how to chill out a little bit. I think maybe--maybe--I can make that skill carry over to this new semester.

The following things are clear:
  • It's possible for me to drop a class if I need to, but I would feel bad about how it would look (not on my transcript, but in terms of how the professor teaching the course would view me).
  • I'll need better time management; I need to get better at working early and often.
  • If I succeed at this, I'll feel really good about it.
  • If I succeed at this, I'll have learned some extra math that I'll be really happy and excited about.
  • If I succeed at this, it will have made me stronger.
So that's that.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

A Second Chance

A couple of weeks from today, I start my second semester of grad school. The first semester went great, in retrospect - I ended up getting A's in all four classes (woot), and I remember it all extremely fondly. If I didn't remember having complained about how stressed out I was, I'd think I enjoyed the entire thing start to finish. I guess, as usual, I enjoy it retroactively. This probably bodes well for my real-time enjoyment of future semesters.

This whole grad school thing is really amazing. One of the most awesome things about it is the other people in my cohort (and in other years, potentially). There is a large social group I feel very comfortable in, and I am really close to two people in particular. I'm not used to having so many acquaintances and friends to enjoy, close at hand like this.

I went to a New Year's Eve party at Drew's parents' house in Missouri this year, and stayed for a couple of days. Jared and I drove up together. (These are the two I am close to.) I actually saw midnight on New Year's Eve for the first time in a few years, and I stayed up very late drinking somewhat heavily (though not so much that I became ill, passed out, or had a hangover the next day). I actually felt socially likeable and accepted. I felt like a fun person whom other people would naturally like.

Counting Drew, there were five people from our program there, but the majority of the attendees were Drew's other friends, most from her undergraduate school (a SLAC, I think). I liked many of them very well indeed, and there was nobody I felt I didn't like.

It is a little strange to think about. I am about halfway between Drew's friends and her parents, age-wise. Is it creepy to be 36 and hanging out with a bunch of people who (on average) just finished college? They seemed to accept and like me. I didn't feel out of place. I don't feel, moment-to-moment, like I am not one of them, despite the ~13 years of work experience I had before starting grad school.

What all of this feels like is a great big giant miraculous do-over for me. I feel like this is the life I should have had, but couldn't grasp when I was these people's age, but here I am now, getting to do it. I'm pretty immensely grateful for it, too.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

All Done (Mostly)

I still need to write a teaching philosophy statement, but other than that, I'm all done with my first semester of grad school. Woot.

The analysis exam was not as dire as I had anticipated. We had to do 6 problems out of 9, and I finished 5.5 problems. I don't think my answers were completely correct, but the fact that I'll be getting graded out of 90+ points is very cheering. I got a 55% on the midterm and I don't think I'll have less than a 75% on this exam, so that's a large improvement. Given that our professor has told us not to worry about grades (including telling one woman who did much worse than I did on the midterm specifically not to worry about her grade), I'm expecting a B in this class.

The logic final (our only exam in that class) was today. As expected, it consisted of basic skills from the class rather than proofs or things that required us to have memorized a lot of the theorems and tricky things from the assignments. Given that I needed less than 50% credit on it to have an A in the course, I'm fairly secure in that A.

I also think I'll have an A in probability and in my math pedagogy class. That gives me a good GPA for the semester and means that I passed all of my courses (meaning that I got at least a B), which is really what counts. So: woot!

I need to do better in analysis next semester, though. The main key in that class seems to be working through the exercises in the book, so I'm going to plan to do that. Another student in the class and I are planning to work together to read the sections and work on the problems before the material is taught in class, so that if we have questions we'll know what they are in advance. We'll see how that works out, but hopefully I'll have time; I think my course load will be easier this coming semester. (I will need to make time whether I have time or not.)

Now I have a month off. I feel weird about it already. The next semester doesn't start until mid-January. (Yes, this is where you people with real jobs can want to kick my ass. Believe me, I get it.)

Coming up next semester: statistics, the second half of real analysis, and an introductory topology course.

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Probability Exam

Today, we had our final exam in Probability. I got a perfect score on the (very easy) first exam, and then did very poorly on the second exam. Fortunately, the two questions I couldn't answer on there (worth 32/100 points) were left mostly blank by the vast majority of the class, and the professor took them away, so that I ended up with a 90%. Nevertheless, it was a bad testing experience.

I had had an analysis exam the previous day, that I'd done very poorly on, and as I sat to take the probability exam I was exhausted and really couldn't think straight. I hadn't prepared well for it at all, and couldn't do basic things like subtract correctly (even using a calculator) or perform simple algebra tasks, much less think creatively about problems.

I felt reasonably well-prepared for this exam - the last few weeks, the material has seemed to come together for me much more than it did in the middle of the course, and I had good formula sheets written up - but I also worked hard to be rested, correctly fed, hydrated, etc., for the exam. I knew that I would need (because both probability and tests in general demand it) mental flexibility in order to be able to answer the questions.

And I did it. I completely killed the exam - I should have a perfect score, or at least within epsilon of a perfect score. (Really I could have as low as a 95% - who knows what weird errors I could have made - but I definitely got the questions basically correct.) And I didn't just kill the exam by being prepared; I killed it by being smart (relative to my baseline) and mentally flexible.

One question asked us something about three independent random variables, each uniformly distributed on the interval [0,1]. (For the "probabilists" out there: we had to determine the CDF and expected value of the minimum term. Pretty easy stuff.)

The next question asked us to consider the same three variables, and then had some questions that only involved two of the variables. I had a few moments of confusion (of the type that totally derailed me on the secon exam) before realizing that the irrelevance of the third variable meant I could draw the standard [0,1]x[0,1] box and fill in the areas I was being asked about and do the computations using areas (e.g., "What is the probability that Y1 > Y2 given that Y1 > Y2^2" - which is the just the ratio of two areas, given that the distribution is uniform).

The exam wasn't hard either, I should admit, but it did take me just about the entire time.

There were five problems (some with multiple parts) worth 15-20 points each, and then the sixth problem was worth 6 points. He's urged us to consider these last problems as pretty much optional, even though they are part of the full score. If you make sure you can do the basic problems, then it's OK if you can't do the fancy problem. But this fancy problem turned out to be exactly the type of fancy problem that I am good at. It went something like this:
An urn contains 6 red balls and 14 blue balls. Two balls (selected at random) are removed and discarded without noting their colors, and then another ball is drawn. Given that this last ball drawn is red, what is the probability that both of the two discarded balls were blue?
This is exactly the kind of thing where if you just draw a little probability tree it is pretty obvious how to compute it. (I shouldn't say it's "obvious." Many things in probability should be obvious but take me a long time to figure out or I can't figure them out at all. But this type of problem is intuitively easy for me, for whatever reason.)

I have my analysis exam tomorrow, which is triple express doom, and then the (low-stakes) logic exam on Wednesday. After that, I have to write a [maximum] 3-page teaching philosophy and fill out a short survey for one of my courses, and then I'm done.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Heartbroken

My life is so weird and messed up lately, and the worst part of it, I feel like there is almost nobody I can talk to about it other than Ed. It feels like he is the only one who actually understands all of our bizarre circumstances well enough to get it. But talking to him is hard on both of us.

I can't get over him and our break up, and I don't even know how to try. I feel a deep bond and partnership with him that isn't going away. I miss every single thing that we had together and no longer have. A lot of the time I would do anything to go back a few weeks and do things differently. (I'd go back further than this, but even the night he broke up with me I didn't make an effort to stop him. We had just started making things better. But I was so worn down and it felt so inevitable that he was leaving me - he had been so relentlessly dissatisfied - that I couldn't fight it anymore.)

I can't express even these simple feelings to people very well, because I just don't say ridiculous things to people even when I feel them. I think this makes me seem robotic or something, but I don't know how to change that about myself. Also, I don't want to say bad things about him to our mutual colleagues (and, even if I'm sometimes tempted, the truth is that in my heart of hearts I don't think he did anything wrong, and he's been amazingly kind and supportive all along).

It would probably help if I didn't see Ed all day every day, but I don't want him to go away either. I certainly can't stand the idea of moving or of having him move and then having to get a new roommate. I want us to continue having this close friendship that we still have.

My life is just really hard right now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Zu Ende

Ed and I began dating in May of 2007. Last night, we broke up.

It's been an interesting and mostly great three years, but I won't get into all of that now. Why did we break up? Well, I keep thinking that it's a long and complicated story, but I think that really it is a short and simple one.

My relationship with Ed has always required high inputs of energy. It has been a high-drama, high-maintenance relationship, which has mostly suited me well.

But grad school takes up all of my energy. It's not that I don't have time left over for talking or hanging out or whatever, but I don't have mental energy and space left for being an extremely involved partner. I was thinking about this last night, and what I think is, I could only be a really involved partner to someone new (where you have that crazy "new relationship energy") and, if that happened, I would probably fail my classes, because I really can't do those two things at the same time. Maybe if it were someone more studious than I am and also in grad school, then it would work out, but otherwise, I don't see how it could. (I am certainly not looking.)

Ed tried to deal with my benign neglect as best he could, but it made him increasingly hurt and angry. This came up a week or so ago in a big way and we made some changes to try to resolve it, but I think the changes were too little, too late, and last night he decided to call it quits.

It wasn't a big surprise. I had felt (and said, a few days ago) that I thought our breaking up might be inevitable. There was a lot that I valued in the relationship - so much that I couldn't decide to break up with him myself - but there was no more that I could do to fix things, I didn't think. I decided to proceed as though the relationship would continue in the best possible way and let the chips fall where they might. And this is where they fell.

We are still friends. I consider it nobody's fault that the romantic part of the relationship is over. (I started to say that it was nobody's fault that it "didn't work out," but it did work out, very much so, and the fact that it was of limited duration doesn't change that.) I don't think either of us is moving out of our shared apartment anytime soon, so we will have to get through this awkward stage of being newly broken up. I think we will.

Thanks for three and a half great years, Ed.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Small Revelation about Time Management

Grad school life has been pretty great for me so far, but the major thing that I struggle with is getting work done. I don't usually have an actually overwhelming amount of work to do, but I waste a large number of hours each week procrastinating or trying to start working, when if I just worked I would have more free time to do things like read.

I have, however, realized one thing that has made a big difference over the past few weeks, and that is that I really hate doing things at the last minute. When it's "do or die" and you will stay up all night to finish something due the next morning, it feels like some giant metal rod is pressing against you. Sometimes the thought of doing the work is intolerable but, of course, not doing it at all is unthinkable.

The "correct" way to avoid this is to do the work ahead of time, but I sometimes struggle with that. My revelation is that just moving that "last minute" point up by a day has a huge impact. So my current strategy is staying up all night the night before the night before something is due, rather than just the night before.

You would think it wouldn't matter or help. Staying up all night is staying up all night, right? (I've not literally had to stay up all night yet; I'm using the term loosely.) But it actually makes an enormous difference to me. I have that "I am not going to bed until I [more or less] finish this" urgency to keep me going, but without the horrible iron bar feeling. Instead, I have the virtuous and enjoyable feeling of kicking ass by getting something done early. Also, once I get to the point where I have only a little bit left to do, I can leave off and finish up the next day with minimal stress.

It's sort of exciting to have a working, specific strategy to avoid being crushed by things at the last minute.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Prank

Just a story I enjoyed...

When my real analysis professor was a graduate student, he had a Number Theory professor who made the homework sets available by leaving copies at local copy shops, where you would go and pay for them to make a copy of the problem set for you. One time, the week before an exam, the professor hadn't left any problem sets, so my now-professor and his pals typed up a page of unsolved problems in the field and left them for the other students.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

LaTex Happiness

Whoa. Thanks to Lee (and the folks at watchmath.com), I can now put stuff like this

$\int_{a}^{b}f(x)dx$

on my blog. Aren't you glad? (Note that if you view this in an RSS reader it likely won't come up right. Sorry!)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Today's Accomplishments

Life is hard around here lately. School kind of ate me, and I'm waiting to see if I will agree with its digestion. (I'm not sure which outcome to prefer, frankly.) I'm not technically "behind" at anything right now, but I still feel I'm being crushed. At any rate, here are my accomplishments for today:
  • Wrote up the last lecture of analysis notes. (I rewrite, with additions/modifications/clarifications, the notes from each analysis lecture. This is critical to my understanding and ability to reference the material later. Lately I was several lectures behing, but I am now caught up.)
  • Talked to Ed about a couple of things I didn't understand from the analysis notes. We were able to resolve them together.
  • Looked extensively at the two problems on this week's analysis homework. I solved (I think) the first problem, which I typed up in LaTex. The second problem was less tractable but I identified some of the difficulties I have with it, and thought about those for a while.
  • Typed up the Logic homework problems. I haven't started working on this homework yet, and I think we haven't covered almost anything that is on the homework (due 11 days from now), but at least the problems are typed up, so I can modify this document when I'm ready to start working. Also, by typing up the problems, I now have a much clearer idea of what the homework entails. ("Entails," ha ha ha.) These homeworks have typically been 15-20 pages of dense handwriting on college-ruled paper, so I've decided to experiment with typing this one up instead of killing my hand. (My right middle finger has developed a chronic bruisey ache when I write by hand for more than an hour or so at a time.)
  • Tested the draft lecture notes I wrote for the 10-minute mini-lecture on completing the square that I might have to deliver on Wednesday (but probably won't deliver until the next week). My first draft took 12 minutes to deliver, which is pretty good, so I revised it downward. The second draft took 14 minutes. Oops. I have done a third draft but I didn't have the heart to deliver this (complete with writing on the board, of course) to an empty room for the third time, so that will have to wait.
  • Brought my Probability book home from school so I can finish up the homework due Wednesday (which was posted to our course website yesterday, when I did about 3/4 of it when I saw that it had shown up).
Despite the above, it hasn't felt like a very productive day. I can't tell what is or is not productive. I'm pretty sure I didn't work anywhere near 8 hours, which is a standard work day. My program doesn't seem, so far, to require that amount of work. Yet the amount of work that it does require feels like it might be beyond me. And yet, I'm basically crushing (with enormous effort) my classes so far, and, as I said earlier, I don't think I'm actually behind on anything. So I don't know what to think. I feel like a person driving a car that has lost control of steering and brakes but who happens to be going down a straight freeway with no traffic...for the moment.

At least this isn't as bad as Tuesday night, when, as I stayed up until 4AM to finish my logic homework, I kept thinking about how grad school was pitting the intolerable (finishing the homework) against the unthinkable (not finishing it).

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fiasco Week

The past couple of weeks, before this one, have been pretty easy. I knew that they were going to be pretty easy because I didn't have any logic homework due until this week and nothing big was happening in my pedagogy class, leaving only the normal weekly analysis and probability homework. And the first of these two weeks, I worked hard to make sure I was doing enough not to make this week hellacious. But last week I didn't do very well, and in fact I am not sure I accomplished anything at all Thursday through Saturday aside from attending classes.

This morning, our third mammoth logic homework was due. It had 10 problems. We usually have two weeks for these homeworks, but our professor was out of the country for a week, so we had three weeks for this. Last night I had finished the 8th problem by 8:30, so I had two more problems to do.

I finished (mostly) at 4:19 AM. And...ugh. That is just way too late to be up doing homework. Part of the reason it took so long is that sometime after 8:30 I just really broke down. I had a bad headache, I felt hopeless about the derivations that I had to do, and I just...I don't know. A friend from our program invited me over to her house, and I went, and working with her was great, but didn't prevent me from falling apart.

I skipped logic class this morning (got Ed to turn in my homework for me) and slept in until 12:30, then barely made it to my probability class on time at 2. (Thank goodness I had finished my probability homework, also due today, some days earlier.)

Tomorrow I have analysis homework due. We get this homework once a week and it's always one problem. Sometimes the problem is fairly tractable and other times it fills me with despair, but so far I have always gotten them done on time, correctly, for full credit, so that's promising. This is my little mountain to climb each week, and doing them, and doing them well, fills me with a lot of joy every time.

I am almost always either completely finished by Monday or I basically know what I'm doing and just need to clean up the execution a tiny bit during the week. But even though this one is due tomorrow, I still don't know how to do it. I did work on it a little bit (read: four pages worth of notes' worth of work) on Saturday, but I didn't get anywhere with it. I do have things I can try next, so I don't feel hopeless quite yet, but I'm not in a great position.

Another thing I do every week is neatly rewrite my analysis class notes, filling in the missing details and making sure that I understand them. I'm three lectures behind on doing that (there are two lectures each week), so that's not great either.

I think one thing that I need to do is regularize my sleep schedule. I have morning classes M/W/F but only afternoon classes T/Th so it's always very tempting to sleep in on those days, especially if I've stayed up late the night before working on something, but really in any case. But I don't think that's doing any favors for my productivity overall, because it means there are more days on which I feel disoriented due to getting up at a strange time.

I am also thinking of giving up caffeine (for the umpteenth time). It's getting to the point where I feel mentally dull all day until I have my tea, and that's not good, and last night's headache may have been caffeine-imbalance-related as well.

Now it's time for me to go tackle the analysis homework for real. What's unfortunate is that I am much more willing to work on something that isn't due yet than on something that is due soon. I don't like the feeling that I have to figure this out in the next, say, eight hours in order to have a legitimate shot of being able to turn in something decent tomorrow, and it makes me not want to look at it at all (or, you know, not yet).

Looking forward, next week should be a bit easier. We don't have a new logic homework yet, possibly because we have a (small) paper due in 2.5 weeks, and the only big thing I need to do other than next week's analysis is prepare and be ready to deliver a 10-minute mini-lecture on a college algebra/pre-calc topic for my pedagogy class. That means I'd better work hard on that paper next week.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Axiom of Choice

You can't get too far in analysis without running into the Axiom of Choice (AC), which is an easy idea to explain but deceptively tricky to grasp, I think. (Analysis, for those who aren't aware, is basically the study of functions - it is what calculus is called when it gets theoretical.) I've wanted to write about AC for a while.

What the Axiom of Choice says is that if you have an infinite collection of nonempty sets, it is possible to choose an item from each set. So if you had, for instance, an infinite set of sock drawers, you could choose a sock from each drawer.

There are two "choice" types of situations where you don't need AC. If you have a finite number of sets, no matter how many, then you don't need AC. You can use the principle of mathematical induction instead. That is, you can say, basically, OK, I can choose something from the first bin because, duh, it's not empty. Then, if I've chosen something from some number of bins up to this point, I can always choose something from the next bin, because again, it's not empty. But even though this works for any finite number of bins (even one billion bins), it doesn't cover an infinite number of bins.

You also don't need AC if you have a specific method of choosing from the sets (bins). For instance, if you have an infinite collection of pairs of shoes, you could say, "From each pair, choose the left shoe." That's basically creating a function from the pairs to the chosen objects, which is what we want. (AC says there is such a function whether we can define it explicitly or not.) People often contrast shoes with socks to explain this difference, because shoes have a right and left and so there is an explicit function for choosing, but socks are undifferentiated.

Of course, AC is usually used with sets of numbers, not sets of socks, because there are not actually an infinite number of socks even in the entire universe, as best I'm aware.

Now, if we were talking about sets of natural numbers (subsets, that is, of {1, 2, 3, ...}) we could just say, "Always choose the smallest one." Every set of natural numbers has a smallest element. This property is called being "well-ordered."

The real numbers, though, in their normal order, don't have this property. There isn't a smallest one of all, and there are a lot of sets of them, even bounded sets, that don't have a least element. For instance, "Every real number larger than 2" doesn't have a least element. (2 isn't in the set, so that's not it, and no matter how close you to get to 2, even if you pick, say, 2.000000001, there is always a smaller one still in there, say 2.0000000000000000000001.)

The Axiom of Choice is equivalent to saying that the real numbers are well-ordered. It's not true in their normal order, but AC says that there is some order you could put them in such that every subset of them would have a least element. (It's sort of a crazy idea - don't try it at home. AC doesn't provide such an order, it just claims that it exists. In fact, if we could define the order, we wouldn't need AC at all!)

To see the equivalence, let's say you had an infinite collection of sets of numbers, and you wanted to choose a number from each set. If you have well-ordering then you can use the rule "always choose the smallest number."

Similarly, if we have Choice, and we want to well-order the reals, we can first choose one to be the lowest one, then choose another one to be the next lowest, and so on ad infinitum.

So why this is interesting? First, AC is an Axiom. That means you can't prove (or disprove) it from anything else in the normal theories we use about numbers. It's just an assertion from the heavens. And while most axioms that you commonly encounter (such as that two points determine a unique line, or that a*b = b*a) are what we might call "obvious," AC is...well, is it obvious to you?

In fact, its use is rather contested.

If you don't use AC, then you can't prove a lot of the important theorems of calculus. And that's not just a matter of theoretical concern - we use calculus all the time to solve all sorts of problems, and it demonstrably works. Calculus is important, and it would be nice to think that it has a sound theoretical basis and isn't just a bunch of malarkey that works by chance, or for reasons beyond human comprehension.

On the other hand, if you do use AC, then you get some crazy results like the Banach-Tarski paradox. Those guys proved that, using AC, you can cut a sphere into a finite number of pieces and then reassemble the pieces into two spheres the same size as the original, which is more or less obviously not true. (The way the cuts are done is not something we can actually replicate, even though it is a small number of cuts, so this isn't an empirical question.)


So, there you have it: the Axiom of Choice.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

An Idea

I never write stories or even try to write novels, but I was thinking about this today. It would be funny if you had a story involving a person (like an agent) time-traveling back to Nazi Germany to complete some mission, and the mission was put into peril when they had to wait for a late train. Imagine the annoyance at learning that the canonical one good thing about life under fascism was not true.

(Come to think of it, that is sort of how I feel when Republicans are not fiscally conservative.*)

(*No comparison of Republicans to fascists is intended or should be inferred.)